Thursday, March 31, 2011

Urban Bears

Everyone have their imagination caps on? Good. Now, just imagine...imagine...imagine...

You're walking along the streets of a booming metropolis -- perhaps it's New York City or San Francisco or Chicago, take your pick (personally, I choose New York). It's a lovely spring afternoon and you haven't a care in the world. As you stroll down the sidewalk you bump shoulders with all sorts of interesting folk, walk past a never-ending eclectic string of buildings and hear the ever-waking sounds of large buses passing by, hundreds of feet hitting the cement and random segments of countless conversations. 

Eventually your tummy rumbles and you step inside a small deli for a sandwich, or perhaps 
you purchase some falafel from a nearby food-cart (I choose a caprese on ciabatta). As you continue on your way enjoying your rather delectable lunch, your hands begin to sweat. Simultaneously your heart-rate begins to climb and your legs become week and your  lunch has lost its savor. Despite your rather odd onset of anxiety, everyone around you seems to have escaped the panic you are now experiencing. You continue to walk down the street, trying to act as if nothing is bothering you....WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A GIGANTIC BEAR WEARING HIPSTER CLOTHES JUMPS OUT OF THE ALLEYWAY AND ATTACKS YOU stealing your lunch and even possibly taking a bite of you!!! *gasp!*

And that my friends, is what those who suffer from an irrational fear of urban bears go through every single time they walk through a metropolitan area (except for the whole bear attacking and stealing their lunch and taking a bite of them part). 

The real question is, what do these bears do when they're not attacking innocent city-dwellers? Answer: they listen to their iPods while taking advantage of the excellent mass transit system. So keep a wary eye; you never know when they'll go all urban bear on you...

Irrational Fear Provided by Collin Cummings, Provo, UT


  1. I read a story this morning about a woman in the 1800's who met a bear on a trail. She opened and closed her parasol repeatedly and scared the bear away. I think it would've been better if the bear just stood there staring at her, then continued along the trail, turning right at the intersection on his way to Halifax.

  2. Oh man, that is hilarious. Who knew a parasol could be so useful?

  3. Hannah Hillam pinned this on her Pinterest. I think it rules. Make this into a print and I'd buy it.

  4. Thanks!

    I actually do sell prints of this piece. Just copy the link: